I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Randomize
