He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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