a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Are we in a gay sports bar?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
