Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
