sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
