Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
