I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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