Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
