Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
