dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
