Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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