Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
