I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
