Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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