My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
