sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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