I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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