I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
