After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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