I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Randomize
