We're like a lot better than the average bears
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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