Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
