WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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