Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
