you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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