did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize