When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
In America we eat man semen.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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