There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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