Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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