You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Life is so much better after having sex.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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