I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
