A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
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