Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
