remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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