just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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