i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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