I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
