Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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