My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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