clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
