hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
