And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
