through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
