eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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