I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Randomize
