The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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