i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
