Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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