LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
The best revenge is premature balding
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
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