No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
