So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
