i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
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