yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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