I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
