someone owes me an orgasm
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
