So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
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i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
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My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
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