you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
