So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
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I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
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Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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