i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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