i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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