I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
