he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
