Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
