If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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