I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
