Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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