I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
