You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Don't EVER smell your tampon
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
