I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Randomize
