cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
