I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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