My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
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