Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
