i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
