i permit you to call me
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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