I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
