got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
